Jennifer Lopez and I have something in common: Our names shorten to J-Lo. Our families also had babies around the same date (though she had some sort of fertility thing and ended up with twins). I remember the stories of J-Lo's pregnancy. There was talk about her oversized delivery team, complete with a woman paid $10,000 or $20,000 just to feed her ice chips throughout the delivery process. Such extravagances must be nice. I'm so tired of late that I'm really resenting J-Lo and her husband Skeletor Mark Anthony right now.

Whenever we're dealing with a screaming child, doing something gross or being pulled in a million directions, I say to Sarah, I say, "Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony are doing this $hit?"

I don't know J-Lo from the next person, other than what I read, but she seems like a real b-hole. Mean to people, gets what she wants, gets far with limited talent. And I'm sure she's not going through the parenting trials and tribulations that Sarah and I have been experiencing first hand.

• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony are up at 11 p.m., 2 a.m. and 4:30 a.m. EVERY NIGHT feeding their children?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony have gone 122 consecutive nights without a stretch of sleep longer than four hours?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony are hauling out bag after bag of poopy diapers?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony are getting peed on regularly?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony go through several shirts (and sometimes pants/shorts and underwear) a day because they get puked on?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony are doing what seems like 100 loads of laundry a week?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony pay somebody to take care of their kids overnight? (Oh wait, yes, they probably do. Bad question.)
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony have to make special arrangements with family members and take vacation days so they can do things like get their license plates renewed?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony are stressing out because she wants to work part time but her company won't let her?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony are worried about paying for medical bills?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony push their kids in shopping carts through department and grocery stores, looking for cheap meal items?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony struggle to throw a meal together for dinner, only to sit down at 7 or 8 p.m. and not enjoy the food because they have to get up and attend to their child every 2 minutes?
• Do you think J-Lo and Mark Anthony are up at 10:30 p.m. on a Friday night blogging about how much they resent some regular schmuck in the Midwest?

I love our boy more than anything in the world, and I wouldn't change things at all. But man, do I hate that J-Lo and Mark Anthony right now. I'm off to bed now (for probably an hour or less). If "Jenny from the Bronx" happens to be reading this right now, I hope she gives her staff a good night kiss for me.